When Egos Collide 1

Member Posts : 10 Join date : 2012-10-18

Dark Horse walks from the managers office smiling and stuffing Paperwork in his Gym Bag when he runs Smack dab into Cornelius Rupert. They have a brief stare-down, neither man backing down. A few Bystanders stop to watch the developing situation. Someone yells out for security.

Dark: You gonna move or what?

Cornelius: Or what.

Cornelius bumps into Dark purposely and the two are about to exchange blows when security comes careening into them and pulling them apart. The General Manager is standing some distance off looking on. His eyes light up and he vanishes leaving the ruckus of security and the two heated wrestlers glaring at each other over the security team.

Camera Fades

Advisor Posts : 25 Join date : 2012-10-10

Its a solid base for a start but it could be more descriptive in the sense of "the tension between the two seems to build up in the air surrounding them , an unseen force of electricity that threatened to explode and destroy both of them"

Member Posts : 10 Join date : 2012-10-18

Chance meeting, not enough history yet. Had to start like this

Advisor Posts : 26 Join date : 2012-08-12

like Violet said though could still give it more of a dramatic appeal rather then just start brawling

Subject: Re: When Egos Collide 1 Wed Oct 31, 2012 2:08 pm

So let me get this straight, you two run into eachother, neither one of you are showing any agression prior to the "chance meet" and just start wanting to beat eachother up? Perhaps we have Dark Horse mutter to himself somthing prior to the meeting about how he is pissed off about traffic, or some reasoning behind wanting to start a fight. This just feels contrived and forced. But, that is my opinion.

Member Posts : 10 Join date : 2012-10-18

Jr bonecrusher wrote:: like Violet said though could still give it more of a dramatic appeal rather then just start brawling

Understand your thought process, but, something to be said for being original. Those meet and outmuscle with intent are done to death. I wanted something that just takes a direction that can lead to other things happening. So basically, Dark Horse isn't paying attention to where he's going, runs into Cornelius, and each man simply has something to prove: That they're the best signee. Don't need any other reason than that. That's how I created the storyline.

Have you guys seen part two?

» When Egos Collide 2